the addict

it seems that thus far, i am the only one blogging, so i'll have to make things more interesting.
obviously, my (our) family will be the predominate ones to view this site, but anyway, let's continue.

my life has been nothing really more than drama, mostly over love, being fat, and love and being fat. there are some school, church, and money issues in there, but my problems are mostly love, fat, and being fat. really shallow huh? life has so much more to offer, i'm sure. anyway,
so as my family knows, i have spent pretty much my entire life on planet earth (now 30 years, yuck!) worrying about how i look and how fat i am ( "this sucks, because i'm fat!") and how depressed i feel. the truth is, i know that these things are very vain and shallow, but if they bother you, that is how real they are. so here i go.

i have abused my body more than i care to admit, and i can only hope that i can recover. not only have i scarred my body with ups and downs of weight loss and gain, i have sabataged my future. i am clinically obese now, and feel it everywhere, mixed with depression and worry, i am a target for a short life span. but that is not what frightens me most. is it the sheer horror of losing all my great gifts, talents, and the love of life. this weight issue must go.

the other side of this truth is that i don't know how to look after myself, clean and cook and work, and so on. this makes it difficult for every time i try, i fail even more. so here it goes:
in many aspects, i consider this my last chance, my final attempt at finding a balance in this life.
i know my family loves me and doesn't want me to worry or suffer, but this has to go. as my dad says, you only get one body, how true is that?
so my mission this semester during school is not only to draw and write my master piece, but to make my body a beautiful master piece, and capitalize on my good genes. so here is the "plan" mom.

mon-fri
attend the gym every day before class. this will help wake me up and get my mind clear.
on mon- wed- fri- i am doing weights, with at least 30 mins of cardio.

tues-thurs-sat- at least 1 hour of cardio.

i am also taking a yoga class, mon, wed, sat, and sunday nights. this will help relax me and strech my muscles.
i have signed up at the gym for a 100 mile completion marathon by valnetines day. i have already done 8, but i need to step it up. 4 miles a day and bingo!

ok, now the big thing, the eating!
i am an OINKER! a bad one! i have sloshed down slop all my life ("I'm not a garbage desposal mom!" well maybe i am afterall ), this one will be hurting me. i can't really cook, so in between classes i eat chips and donuts and chocolate bars and milk and JUNK; it's really, really bad. i have no self control.
so, as an embarassing techinec, i am posting my weeking eating -for the most part. that will include every chip, every candy bar, soda, milk dud, popcorn, apple, banana, ect. i'll keep it short and clear. but this should help. something i always ask my brothers is: "i wonder what it would look like if we could see all the food we've ever eaten?" Gross huh?

well, that's it. i hope this is interesting enough, and quite frankly, it's realy just for me. Kam needs to lose the most next to me for obvious health reasons (bum ticker) and he has a kid now, "bunches" or "Elli". so that should be his strict motivation. ( although i hear he can run like a jack rabbit when the need arises). I hope my mom works out for her high blood pressure. Lisa just has baby fat, but if she's not careful that stuff can stick on you for a life time. Kallee, she actually looks really good for a mother of four, but as you get older and your kids get off to school, chips turn into wide hips. so that's it. i'll be posting my weekly eats and excercises, and post my weight loss every month or two months. have fun and happy eating.
oh, mom and dad are coming into town today and want to take me out to eat. there is always something.
chow, baby.